Do you realize that I am your world? Every time you sustain bruises which normally happens to a hyperactive child like you, you run to me and ask me to kiss them. And, you always believe that my kiss could make the pain vanish. I always feel good knowing that you would turn to me in times of difficulty.
Remember those weekends when I would wake up late to the sight of an Impatiens beside my pillow? You would be at my bedside to greet me with the words, “Mommy, I got those flowers for you.” You always wanted to help me with my garden. I would let you. Of course, you messed my garden more than you fixed them, but I just let you.
Last month, I was so depressed. I stayed in my room for more than two weeks, refusing to eat and to talk to anyone. That was after God took your brother Kendorf. One afternoon from pre-school, you came to the room. You shook me, obviously to awaken me. You looked scared. You were crying and you said to me, “Mommy, Mommy, please wake up. I do not want you to die. What will happen to Dinney and me when you die? Nobody will kiss my bruises. Nobody will say that I am the most handsome boy in the world.”
You saved me. I got up from bed and realized that I had been selfish. I had been thinking of my pain, overlooking the bigger pain troubling the frail, innocent soul that you were, that you still are.
I wrote this poem for you, not so that I will not forget the day you saved me because I cannot. It will forever be etched in my memory. I wrote it so that you will remember that day and how you saved me from the land of the living dead. I wrote it so that you will remember that even as a child, you were a good boy who loved his mother more than any mother could hope for. I hope when you grow older, you will appreciate the poem.
I love you, little boy.
9 Feb 01)
Who will kiss away my pains when you are gone?
Who will say I am good when I feel so down?
Who will water the flowers near your window?
Who will tell me things a little child must know?
Who will wipe my tears when I cannot stop them?
Who will tell stories about brave, little men?
Who will defend me when others are just mean?
Who will soothe my fears when I have a bad dream?
Who will show how caterpillars will soon fly?
Who will tell me why my brother had to die?
Who will say why a bright day ends in darkness?
Who will share my laughter when I’m free from sadness?
Every child is helpless without a mommy.
So please do not go, do not ever leave me.
When your eyes close, I ‘m afraid they will not open,
Stay with me forever, don’t go yet to heaven.