Love (Or Why Some People Can't Talk About It)


This time, let us get a bit mushy and talk about love.

What if you are so in love with somebody and s/he with you but you have to keep your relationship a secret? I imagine a desperate call of nature that must be ignored. Is that possible?

I have a friend in Switzerland who is in that situation. This friend emailed me today about it. He loves the other person so much I could feel his heart burst. However, he and the other person have to keep their relationship a secret and this he finds very frustrating. Why the secrecy? The way I understand it, their entanglement is a risky journey into the forbidden. I mean that is how a prejudiced society would look at it. Secrecy is their protection from the sharp thorns of public judgment guaranteed to inflict deep punctures into their friable souls.

“Maybe you could write a poem about us,” my friend said. His story affected me the way the Greek tragedies did. I found myself feeling the same angst after reading “Noli Me Tangere” and "El Filibusterismo" the first, second, third and last times. I will read them again and wallow in the inconsolable sorrow of Maria Clara upon receiving news of Crisostomo Ibarra's death, and of Simoun upon Maria Clara's death. (By the way, and this has to be said: Joe Rizal is, to me, not THE Philippine national hero, but I consider him the finest writer ever produced by the Filipino nation because of "Noli Me Tangere".)

It was providential. I was looking for inspiration to weave words into poetry. Voila, it was there right at my doorstep, or rather, my mailbox. So I sat down in front of my computer and played with the keyboard. Here is the finished product. I am not really sure if the title is the best I could come up with.


MUSINGS OF A HAPPY/LONELY LOVER
(For Fred as He Dreams on the Foot of the Alps)

He is mine in opaque spaces
unexplored by the public eye
Holding his hand, I see the
Alps twirl in rapturous delight
The perishing dark flirts with the
early morn as it kisses the dew
The wars are stilled by peace;
nightmares are soothed by dreams
The summer rain capitulates to
the sunshine; they resuscitate a
stiff edelweiss struggling from
the cold under the white snow
Life is beyond Death’s reach

I am a hideous flower transformed
to beauty after its maiden kiss from
the handsomest bee in Eden
I know how Bathsheba felt under
David’s admiring, eager stare
From my lover's lips freely stream
the words I implored from every
lover in my honeyed fantasies
Juliet, my heart capers as yours
did when Romeo professed his
love; it was too beautiful to end
Death had to give it eternal life
in the lovely legend it became
It is no myth from Shakespeare’s
gossip mill; it is my reality when I,
within the confines of invisible
places, explore his naked body and
enter the farthest corner of his soul

Alas, in the parks, in the church,
in the presence of the crowd
I am a stranger to my lover
and he to me, it hurts so deep
I feel like the scorned kept woman
in the shoddy love triangle movies
But I am not his kept woman

Ecstatic in the absence of light
Heartbroken without the dark

I
am
a
man.

-8 June 2007-

The cat is out of the bag! My Swiss friend is a man in love with another man. If this makes you throw up or otherwise gives you some discomfort, you just flunked the “open-mindedness” test and passed the bigotry examination with flying colors. I warn you: Do not watch Brokeback Mountain. It is too beautiful a love story to make anyone puke. I suggest that you watch Autumn in New York, or Love Affair, or The Notebook, or Message in A Bottle, or City of Angels or Anna and the King(Alam ninyo, sumama ang loob ko sa tadhana. Kasi, masyadong maagang pinanganak itong si Chow Yun-Fat. Doon pa sa malayong lugar. Nawala lang ang tampo ko nung pinagtagpo kami ng kapalaran ng asawa ko. When God closes a window, He opens a door. Iyon pala ang ibig sabihin).

Meantime I say to Fred: The only hope is liberation. We should not relent in our struggle for it. Homophobia is a harsh prison society constructed for itself. No wonder we are stranded in the period of Inquisition, except that the forms of torture used against victims have evolved. The task of convincing society to stage a jail break is not an easy one, but this should not discourage us.

The longest journey starts with a single step.

16 comments:

payadot said...

Hi Chytt,

Beautifully writen song of a soul of somebody in love. Although the Swiss society is liberal concerning this kind of relationship. The character fits to the poem as he clamors for more openness from his partner, who rather chose the curtain of privacy.

Real happiness is something that we keep in a pandora box but have to be freely expresed without a mask.

Thanks again
Fred

CHERYL L. DAYTEC said...

Mng Fred, I hope I captured your emotion as an Igorot Swiss man.

It is really sad that some people cannot express their happiness publicly. Happiness is supposed to be infectious. How can you infect others if you have to keep your happiness to yourself?

Keep hoping. I will email you later.

Unknown said...

WOW...the poem is so touching. I can feel the pain of the man who wants to shout to the world his love but forbidden so he cant.

Payadot in Bibaknets I always admire you for being open about your homosexuality. Your openess is part of what Chyt call struggle for liberation. Just hang on. Someday the world will accept that homosexuals are normal.

In Switzerland is their discrimination also like in the Pinas? I thought they allow man-to-man marriage there. Just asking.

Chyt I will email you about my life also. Maybe you can make a poem about it? Hehe.

CHERYL L. DAYTEC said...

Hi, Mng A. Nice of you to drop by.

I am glad for Mng Fred because when the issue of homosexality was brought up in Bibaknets, all the commenters, save for one, expressed unity with the homosexuals in the latter's fight for recognition and acceptance. For too long, they have been invisible. But because of people like Mng Fred, society now has acknowledged their presence.

Yes, send me your life story. Maybe it will inspire me.

payadot said...

Hay apo ! Antonia and Chytt,

First I wrote my comment that went into the air somewhere... Masapul gayam nga you have to log in before writing. Now I have to reconstruct my last message.

It was first the answer to Antonia.
I would like to learn to know more about her. Seems that she knows me already in the bibaknets.

The poem writen by Chytt, is actually a general song of a soul of a gay who is in love. Because , It is still taboo in general, we have to confine our feelings like in a pandora box. Emotions are played behind the curtains.
And as Chytt mentioned, the feeling of love has to expressed in an observable actions and not to be keeped as a taboo.

Switzerland has a big tolerance concerning this relationship, but in my situation it is more of my partner who don't reflect his emotions.

ahhh ! I really have writen in my lost message my defination of love but again.. give me the proper time to reconstruct that.

Have a nice day to both. I like to discuss with you sometimes about love and emotions, because for me..these are not only to be feel inside but also to be discuss on.

Fred

Anonymous said...

The narrowing of the minds of people who despises the gay/lesbian community should be the ones to be institutionalized. Being bashed is also human rights violations. They're harmless and they're human beings too. The blinds, the retardeds, people with down-syndrome, are you going to ridicule these groups also???
Take the case of the US VP Cheney. As a rightwinger, his views of this issues was quite conservative. Admission of his daughter as a lesbian made him do an about face about the gay/lesbian movement. My point here is, these antagonists are not immuned to health deficiencies in their own families. It can happen to anyone and them! Take note my friends....goodhealth and cheers!!

CHERYL L. DAYTEC said...

Mng Fred, thanks for the clarification. It is sad that your partner is not as open as you are about your relationship. He might fear stigma.

Trublue, I agree. The bigots should be bashed instead. And yes, Cheney. I pity the daughter. She did not choose to be the daughter of a bigot, and a warmonger to make matters worst (not worse, ha.).

Anonymous said...

that is a touching poem, fitting for a man in love--with another man. let him read chase, he's got an open relationship: http://www.queerchef.com/

CHERYL L. DAYTEC said...

Hi, Sexymom,

Nice of you to drop by. And thanks for giving that link.

Just visited your blog. I like it. Will include it in blogroll.

payadot said...

Hi Chytt,

To clarify everything, my status has a proper place. Normally I act and behave properly as I should.I'm also not open to everybody. I guess that applies also to many heteros( private is private )

About stigma concerning my partner in your poem. I really wish that he will come to realize and accept more about himself and wont try to act being the macho Latino.

BTW.. in Rio de Janeiro, about 3.5 million joined the gay pride parade.The Latino macho mentalityis sometime physchotic.. they enjoy making sex with men at the same time homophobic. Unfortunately the institutional church is the main factor of homophobie.

When will the banner of Patriarchal society be toppled down ? Long live
the God the MOTHER !!!!

Sorry I'm going to another direction

Fred

payadot said...

True blue,

I hope that you did not include homosexuality as a health defficiency. Just joking, I'm sure you don't.

There is nothing as normal. Everything has genes or thraights strongly shown or prodiminant from the others.There are traights that could be trained and could be formedor corrected by the society. However with Emotions and Feelings; could these be dectated by the others.

Fact is many of my so called friends are advising me to look for another man. True; I have other chances and there are a lot of good looking guys out there. But my heart and my eyes have only place for this particular man. Maybe time and he himself will change the flow of my love towards him.

OOOpps!!! Just what they say,
Love is like a flower that weathers
when not being cared on. When you stop pouring water on it.. it weathers and dies.

Fred

payadot said...

Hello Sexy mom,

Thanks for sharing the links, was also able to make a short peep in your blog. Well be coming back to that sometime.

Actually I'm open to my sexuality to people I know who would accept me as I am. I'm not queer as Chase and I guess, I rather act as I am.

FYI, am already living in an 29 years partnership with another guy but when AMOR strikes again.. It bored so deep, that I lost my timidity and I don't bother to discuss the songs of my soul and share my feelings to others.

Actually my desire is not acceptance of homo style of life,
but to discuss more about love and relation in general. There are love relationships that becomes a taboo because the society and moral stegmatize it not considering the situation of the parties involve.

fred

Anonymous said...

Fred, I admire you for being very open.

As Cheryl says,do not give up. Someday, society will accept you for who you are.

My brother is gay. He is so good, always thinking of his family. He earns money not for himself but for other people. I pity him because some men take advantage of his generous heart.

I will tell him to read Cheryl'poem.

payadot said...

Lydia and all the ladies,

I don't know why, but discussing about my emotions; I find more ladies
more open to discuss with.

Unfortunately it is still the norm that many gays pay for their happiness, specially when the person they happen to love have a different
culture about gay sexuality.

Sad to say, that gay relationship are still mostly based on erotic sexuality. That means, that you are more attrated to a person because of erotic desires. In this case, you can attain your goal mostly by paying.But their are also cases wherein both parties are attracted to each other and don't need to pay.

I think, It is more common in the Philippines that gay still pay for their sex.

Greetings to you all...

CHERYL L. DAYTEC said...

Lydia and Payadot,

We really have to remain firm in our struggle to end gender-based discrimination.

We shall overcome someday!

The Nashman said...

Papa Fred,

I saw your flag fluttering in Ipanema beach.

Rio is just so open-minded. In all the bars all shapes and sizes are welcome. There is no distinction between gay or straight bars.

I never had so much fun clubbing and mixing with all sorts of people.