The world is still trying to recover from shock, disillusionment , even devastation. Mother Teresa, world renowned figure, Nobel Peace Prize awardee, Ramon Magsaysay Awardee, and yes, the Living Saint when she was still alive, spent decades in spiritual emptiness!
This is revealed in her letters compiled in the book “Come Be My Light” edited and published by Fr. Brian Kolodiejchuk, one of her spiritual advisers. He is also the nun’s postulator. (For the enlightenment of non-Catholics like me, a postulator is the principal petitioner for the canonization or recognition as saint of a Roman Catholic Church faithful.)
In one letter, the revered Mother Teresa said “In my soul I feel just that terrible pain of loss, of God not wanting me – of God not being God – of God not existing.” In another, she said, "If there be no God - there can be no soul. If there is no soul then Jesus - You also are not true. Heaven, what emptiness."
Mother Teresa’s journey to doubt must have begun in the late 1940’s when, then a cloistered nun teacher, she asked to be released by the Loreto sisters to set up the Missionaries of Charity. To do that, she had to struggle with her vow of obedience. With other nuns, she lived among the poor in Calcutta’s slums where she faced and battled against the curse of hunger, pain and desolation. Shortly after living among the poor, the demons of doubt started to torment her.
It is easy for me to understand her.
There was a time when in one day, I learned from the papers that an American woman drowned her babies to death, a man was hailed to the police station for raping his daughter who was his sex slave for year, and a typhoon left hundreds dead. And I wrote a poem that ended with the lines: “Did God flee from this world? Or did He go on a long vacation?” I will not print the poem here because it is so angry. My Mom whose faith in God is so deep will be saddened and, knowing her, she will worry over my spiritual health. She has enough worries over my physical health already.
I have not even seen one-third of the horrors Mother Teresa witnessed. Her smile, she said in one letter, was often a mask. The ironic thing is that while she was being tortured by doubts, people’s faith in God was drawing nourishment from her unparalleled work to alleviate the misery of Calcutta’s scourged. Other people preach the Gospel and talk about the existence of God; she opted to make her life colossally significant for others and by doing so, affirmed the presence of a Being higher than us. And yet in some of her letters, she referred to God as the Absent One. There she was- giving light to those whose lives were submerged in utter darkness. But within herself, she was wandering in spiritual limbo. In one letter, she said, “If ever I become a saint, I will surely be one of “darkness." That’s coming from the person who was a beacon of hope in a world of hopelessness.
None of us is competent to stand as judge of Mother Teresa’s spiritual salvation. That is for God to decide. But we can say that her life was the torch that kept the world from totally stumbling in its own darkness, the darkness forces within it created, the darkness from which we wrestle to be free.
This is revealed in her letters compiled in the book “Come Be My Light” edited and published by Fr. Brian Kolodiejchuk, one of her spiritual advisers. He is also the nun’s postulator. (For the enlightenment of non-Catholics like me, a postulator is the principal petitioner for the canonization or recognition as saint of a Roman Catholic Church faithful.)
In one letter, the revered Mother Teresa said “In my soul I feel just that terrible pain of loss, of God not wanting me – of God not being God – of God not existing.” In another, she said, "If there be no God - there can be no soul. If there is no soul then Jesus - You also are not true. Heaven, what emptiness."
Mother Teresa’s journey to doubt must have begun in the late 1940’s when, then a cloistered nun teacher, she asked to be released by the Loreto sisters to set up the Missionaries of Charity. To do that, she had to struggle with her vow of obedience. With other nuns, she lived among the poor in Calcutta’s slums where she faced and battled against the curse of hunger, pain and desolation. Shortly after living among the poor, the demons of doubt started to torment her.
It is easy for me to understand her.
There was a time when in one day, I learned from the papers that an American woman drowned her babies to death, a man was hailed to the police station for raping his daughter who was his sex slave for year, and a typhoon left hundreds dead. And I wrote a poem that ended with the lines: “Did God flee from this world? Or did He go on a long vacation?” I will not print the poem here because it is so angry. My Mom whose faith in God is so deep will be saddened and, knowing her, she will worry over my spiritual health. She has enough worries over my physical health already.
I have not even seen one-third of the horrors Mother Teresa witnessed. Her smile, she said in one letter, was often a mask. The ironic thing is that while she was being tortured by doubts, people’s faith in God was drawing nourishment from her unparalleled work to alleviate the misery of Calcutta’s scourged. Other people preach the Gospel and talk about the existence of God; she opted to make her life colossally significant for others and by doing so, affirmed the presence of a Being higher than us. And yet in some of her letters, she referred to God as the Absent One. There she was- giving light to those whose lives were submerged in utter darkness. But within herself, she was wandering in spiritual limbo. In one letter, she said, “If ever I become a saint, I will surely be one of “darkness." That’s coming from the person who was a beacon of hope in a world of hopelessness.
None of us is competent to stand as judge of Mother Teresa’s spiritual salvation. That is for God to decide. But we can say that her life was the torch that kept the world from totally stumbling in its own darkness, the darkness forces within it created, the darkness from which we wrestle to be free.
15 comments:
I have a huge portrait of Mother Teresa in my room alongside a picture of Vincent Van Gogh...they are among my idols basing it on the kind of lives they lived.
I actually admired her more after reading the news reports about her doubts. It makes her more human and more deserving of sainthood.
Ang nakakatakot ay iyong mga religious people who are very very sure of themselves. Like Anglican Archbishop Akinola and his ilks; they are really scary with their holier than thou attitude. [My apologies for those who like Abp Akinola.]
Mother Teresa was opposed to the use of artificial methods of birth control. She received donations from the tyrant Duvalier and praised his rule.
They say she was a creation of media. I do not think she should be canonized if the allegations against her are true.
-MUC
I've read that part also about gifts/donations BUT with all the countless donations pouring in to her charity, she must have some lapses and just concluded it's from decent leaders/organizations.
There's no one like her, having spent most of her life in the gutter and sainthood to me is only fitting. Duvalier sounded French, so she must have thought, it was the President of France, hehe....
Daniel, I think you choose your idols really carefully that you come up with good ones.
Bill, I agree that Mother Teresa's doubts make her sound human. She was iconized for far too long that she sounded too good to be true. As anonymous MUC says, it was as if she was just a media creation. Her being one who walked the earth as we do is affirmed by her doubts. Truly, to doubt is human. Yung Archbishop mo- well, faith without good works is dead. And not everyone who says, "Lord, Lord!" shall enter the Kingdom Beyond- wherever that is. That is what they preach naman, di ba?
Anonymous MUC, I know about MT's opposition to birth control. As a feminist, I cannot condone it. I read about how she praised Duvalier and accepted donations from him,and even from one another questionable personality. Certainly not beyond reproach. In short, she was, flawed as every human can be. On the whole however, she also did great things for the downtrodden that spelled the difference between happiness and pain for them. The Roman Catholic Church has canonized dubious characters in the past. Why not this woman? Personally though, MUC, I do not understand this canonization thing. I leave God to decide who is worthy to enter his Kingdom or not. Some of those canonized might not even be residents of heaven. (Is it a crime to say this?) :-)
TruBlue (who is married to TruPink. I find this hilarious and cute!), hahahaha. Why, if you are President of France, does it mean you are already beyond scrutiny? Seriously, it only shows that Mother Teresa was not really impeccably without lapses and defects. As you say, she was still a cut above the rest, her imperfections notwithstanding.
Thanks, guys, for dropping by.
Interesting to know about those Duvalier donations. One would think that since he's from a very impoverished country, he would make those donations at home; but maybe he is trying to buy a piece of heaven hehe.
Rizal says that heaven became a commercial commodity, that is why purgatory was created by some chuches. Or rather, heaven became a merchandize because of the creation of purgatory. Maybe, Duvalier (Di ba ousted ito kasunod ni Marcos?) believes in purgatory nga.
Yes, Mother Teresa was human. I dont know why some people are disappointed. As a Roman Catholic, I prefer this new Mother Teresa than the old one who was not God and not human also. As you say, too good to be true. This new Mother Teresa is very real.
MT articulated the bottled-up angst of countless of people all across the world who lived their lives hanging in hope: that there is god and there is salvation and there is end to their miseries and that one day god will knock all their troubles down, the way knights in shining armor saved their damsels in distress.
doesn't it sound so fairy-taley? but life's like that and people survived in fairy tales.
(i dont know...)
Antonia, amen.
Bananas, we really have a problem when faith in salvation or some dashing knight in shining armor makes us complacent or resigned in our wretchedness. Look at the countries (including Ang Ating Inang Bayan) colonized by Spain using the concept of salvation. They are so poor.
You know, I do not allow my four year old daughter to read fairytales. Heaven forbid that she should grow up waiting for a man to save her from some tight fix a macho world created. But that is another story,
Victor Jara did more for humanity than Mother Teresa did. But you are right: she did accomplish a lot- much more than several churches preaching salvation did.
-MUC
MUC, no doubt, in the field of human rights and the elusive quest for justice for everyone, Victor Jara outdid Mother Teresa. He died that others might live. Kakainggit ang death circumstances niya, ano? Ayokong mamatay sa sakit.
No, no, no, we are not talking about canonizing Ka Victor, are we?
Thank you, MUC for posting the name of Victor Jara. I googled him and I like what I read about him. If he is canonized, I will not mind.
She had her faults. But she was a better human being than most of us.
No one can question her love for the poor and the oppressed. I disagreed with some of her beliefs (Poverty is a gift or something similar), but she had genuine love for the oppressed.
atty r.-visayas,
My sentiments exactly.
Thanks for constantly visiting.
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