WHY I HIBERNATED

Having been out of circulation for what seems to be a vast stretch of time, I do not quite know how to begin this piece. People speculated on what happened to me. Someone asked me if there is truth to the rumor that I have cancer.

Honored, for lack of a better word, is how I feel over the fact that there were people who visited this blogsite in spite of my prolonged absence. It is not fair on my part to have stopped visiting it and to have failed to read and respond to comments. My apologies.

So what happened to me? Healthwise, I haven't been as well as I used to. Maybe, the stress took its toll on me. It came to a point that I had bouts of loneliness. Advised not to read a lot of heavy stuff, I took a vacation from blogging.

Fibromyalgia is the culprit that withdrew me from circulation. In layman's parlance, it is chronic muscle pain. My whole body aches on occasion. The cause is unknown but stress can aggravate it. Thank God it is not fatal. So far the known deaths associated with it are suicides. I am not among the brave ones who have the compunction to end their lives with their hands. My earthly pain is peanuts compared to damnation. While I was on vacation (from blogging, among others), I have been attending to my health concerns.

My ailment is not curable but I am hacking it. I religiously take medicines and have therapies. The old me thrived on pressure and work. I abused my mind and body. Now, while the spirit is willing, the flesh is weak. These days, I am a part-time lawyer. Teaching is in my blood so I cannot give it up. As I always say, if I will not be paid to teach, I will pay to teach. Thankfully, I am getting paid. It's like playing --- for a fee!

I am back to blogosphere but I cannot say for how long. How does one resume blogging after having been away for so long? Perhaps, sharing with you a poem I wrote while in pain will be a good start. Please keep visiting.

Waiting for Death

The
pain
slowly
arrives
with shallow savagery
Then deeply plunges jagged claymore to my knee

How long must I endure unforgiving needles?
In dreams obscured shadows pass me by like riddles
Methinks they are angels of death spying on me
Perhaps curious to know if I am fighting or ready
Sometimes, pain pilfers reason from the open wound
Plants bleakness that within surrender is cocooned
Like secrets buried deep under some unmarked tree
Their solitude the salvation that sets them free
Frantic with flagging nerves, I wait for peace alone
Willing release from pain poking at every bone

When my tears are settled and hardened on the floor
Suppliant, I sit for Death
to rip
open
the
wide
door.

20 comments:

Rose said...

Hello, Chyt, when you told that you updated your blog I immediately went to my computer the moment I got home.
I salute you for your courage in telling your readers what happen to you. Keep punching those keys. A lot of people are changed in a way when they read you.

lovelyn said...

Ciao! I miss your posts. Been wondering what happened to you. Hope your pains are eased and lessen now. Writing somehow helps. Keep those poems coming too.

See you around!

Wil said...

Ah, so that's why you were MIA. Anyways, you take care of yourself there, Manang.

I changed my blog address, btw.

LPD and classmates said...

Hay, naku, Ma'am, excited ako kasi ibinalik ninyo blog nyo. Ang tagal na natulog. I already told my classmates to visit it. Sabi ko sumali sila sa discussion pero they feel unworthy daw to comment. So they will just settle for reading. Sasabihin ko rin kina Kendall balik-blogging kayo.

Thanks a lot for handling our International Law before. We learned a lot. It is great to see you in the university campus again. We miss your indoctrinating lectures.

bill bilig said...

Hi Chyt,
Yay! Glad you're back. We were sort of orphaned when you hibernated; I really missed your insights when you were not around.

I continue to hope and pray that you will do well healthwise. Cheers nga kuna ni Trublue :-)

Chyt said...

Hello,

Thanks for dropping by.

Returning to blogosphere is like going home after a long absence. I feel good and I hope I will stick around long enough.

May we all be healthy. Cheers to all of you!

Chyt said...

Received via email from Fr. Tony Gomowad of Guam and Bibaknets:

Dear Chyt,

Thank you for sharing as you did. I did visit your blog and read about what you've been preoccupied during your "hibernation" period. I had in fact wondered whatever happened to you and Gary Pekas (another one) who joined the Fellowship and gave us a taste of fresh wit and wisdom and then just dropped off.

May you have the strength to do all that it takes to contain what ails you, and at the same time live fruitfully with "abundance of life" as Jesus had described his reason for coming (John 10:10)

Please know that we would include you in our prayers.

God's peace.

Tony Gomowad
Guam

Droomvla said...

My dear Chyt, I'm so glad to see you back "online", but at the same time I have reservations. I think I prefer that you take a long break, and just have enough rest. Listen to your body,and enjoy life!

I know how passionate you feel about being a lawyer (taga pagtanggol ng mga kababaihan at naaapi) and teaching. But let's face it, your body is having a hard time catching up with all the stress that the job demands.

Isa lang ang Chyt Daytec. Ingatan mo sarili mo.


-marissa

Chyt said...

Marissa, thanks for your loving words.

And yes, when I feel that I have to go on leave from teaching as well, I will. Then I will pack my bags and see you in The Netherlands. :-)

Pero, di dalawa na tayong buwang diyan?

Ajie C. said...

Ma'am, ingatan ninyo ang sarili ninyo. You are workaholic and your cases are the stressful ones. Someone concerned for you said to me that the problem with you is you take your cases personally. You adopt the problems of your clients. Kaya kung minsan, haggard talaga itsure ninyo. Buti na lang maganda pa rin kayo. (Peace, man, peace.)Kaya tama si Droomvla. Rest a lot.

Chyt said...

Ajie, thanks a lot. Musta na?

I really miss your batch. Rowdy law students. I was not so stressed then because I could always call on you to recite and the entire class would keep laughing. :-)

Chyt said...

From Stefani Murray of Australia, sent via email (Bibaknets forum):

Hi Chyt:

xxx Clever girl and thanx for sharing.

xxx It's great to "see" you
on the web again and know, thank the Good Lord, that you
are now well to be unrestricted to open a computer anytime
you wish!!!

Saw your pictures taken by our clever friend, Fred, the
Swiss!!! You look grand. I love the 'inabel'? ..... long
shirt/dress/coat you have on!!!

I look forward to your input/feedback on any of the fiery
debate raging on (Bibaknets) in the "stormy" (ad interim)
sky!!!

Stay healthy. Stay happy and stay in touch!!!


My response: Thanks, Mng Stef. Keep visiting.

Chyt said...

Comments from Bibaknetters:

1) From Pureza Gomeyac-Egmales:

Hi Chyt,

It's good to see that you're A-OK na talaga, or would I say for now.. I visited your site. Really nice. I hope one time we would sit down as I am interested to listen on how you are coping with your fibromyalgia. Good to learn from you. I had a patient before with that condition and she had been in too much pain. It broke my heart. How would you comfort someone whom you could not even touch. In silence?

2) From Vincent Bete:

Hi. I join the rest of the Bibaknets family in praying for you as you battle this monster called Fibromyalgia. Its good to know you are doing well. Wishing you and your family the best.

3) From Patrick Pooten:

I join Vincent and the others in wishing you the best..maid koma mangmangwani en "ateh"..Wasdi menlamlamnin..more power.

My Response: Thanks a lot, guys. Your prayers are encouraging. Pureza, all the time. You can call my landline if we can't meet together.

Chyt said...

Here is a Comment sent via email from Dr. Tasha Poshor which is helpful for people who have Fibromyalgia or who know someone suffering from the disease:

"I read your blog and I am sorry you got caught in a stress-related illness.

I know of a very reliable health web site that I always refer to whenever I needed to know something about health and medication. Most of the doctor-contributors work in Mayo Clinic in the US.It's www.webmd.com.

I just read about fibromyalgia and there are information that would be helpful to you. like,Overview & Facts, Symptoms & Types, Diagnosis & Tests,Treatment & Care, Home Remedies.

Under Home Remedies, there is Complementary Treatment, Diet,
Exercise, Tips on Coping and
Finding Help.

Under Finding Help, you'll see Online Community and Fibromyalgia Resources. ' WebMD doctors have chosen the best organizations that help people living with fibromyalgia."

Wow, Tasha, thanks a lot. You really took time to research for me.

Anonymous said...

Friend, this is a very touching piece. I can feel your struggle in your poem. I like the literary quality. But the message is a dark one. You must have been really down to write that.

Always praying for you. Go, go, girl!

- Belle

Chyt said...

Belle, the message is a dark one?

I re-read it and I agree. I was really in excrutiating pain and I had to write to get my mind off it.

How are things over? Got more lands to distribute to the peasants yet?

Just keep dropping by and thanks a lot.

Anonymous said...

Dear Chytt,

I don't know if this will push thru.
I mean my message. I'm really too lazy to learn blogging but I hope as time passes by, it will become easy.

Sorry! for the late comment. I too have my case of depressions that It makes my capability to compose my thoughts all together is so dificult.

Hey! before writing, I rather try to send this message. It might be only an effort for noting.. I call you na lang...

Fred

Chyt said...

Oh, Fred, just call. I will be around.

Thanks for the visit.

AdB said...

Hi Chyt!

Glad to know that you're back. Did miss your posts seriously. Sorry to hear about this torturous encounter of yours (is that the right spelling for the adjective of the word "torture"?). I truly hope it will soon be just a bad dream.

I understand what pain is -- have recurring pains too due to a whiplash from a car accident especially when it's cold.

Am on holiday and frankly I don't feel like commenting or blogging on the dreadful state of the nation.

Chin up! Drink lots of herbal tea -- and the doctor is right, take it easy.

Chyt said...

Hey, Anna, nakakainggit ka naman.

Enjoy your holiday. Thanks for the advice. It is summer in Europe so enjoy the warmth. It will do good for your pain problems.

Salamat sa pagbisita.