WHY I HIBERNATED

Having been out of circulation for what seems to be a vast stretch of time, I do not quite know how to begin this piece. People speculated on what happened to me. Someone asked me if there is truth to the rumor that I have cancer.

Honored, for lack of a better word, is how I feel over the fact that there were people who visited this blogsite in spite of my prolonged absence. It is not fair on my part to have stopped visiting it and to have failed to read and respond to comments. My apologies.

So what happened to me? Healthwise, I haven't been as well as I used to. Maybe, the stress took its toll on me. It came to a point that I had bouts of loneliness. Advised not to read a lot of heavy stuff, I took a vacation from blogging.

Fibromyalgia is the culprit that withdrew me from circulation. In layman's parlance, it is chronic muscle pain. My whole body aches on occasion. The cause is unknown but stress can aggravate it. Thank God it is not fatal. So far the known deaths associated with it are suicides. I am not among the brave ones who have the compunction to end their lives with their hands. My earthly pain is peanuts compared to damnation. While I was on vacation (from blogging, among others), I have been attending to my health concerns.

My ailment is not curable but I am hacking it. I religiously take medicines and have therapies. The old me thrived on pressure and work. I abused my mind and body. Now, while the spirit is willing, the flesh is weak. These days, I am a part-time lawyer. Teaching is in my blood so I cannot give it up. As I always say, if I will not be paid to teach, I will pay to teach. Thankfully, I am getting paid. It's like playing --- for a fee!

I am back to blogosphere but I cannot say for how long. How does one resume blogging after having been away for so long? Perhaps, sharing with you a poem I wrote while in pain will be a good start. Please keep visiting.

Waiting for Death

The
pain
slowly
arrives
with shallow savagery
Then deeply plunges jagged claymore to my knee

How long must I endure unforgiving needles?
In dreams obscured shadows pass me by like riddles
Methinks they are angels of death spying on me
Perhaps curious to know if I am fighting or ready
Sometimes, pain pilfers reason from the open wound
Plants bleakness that within surrender is cocooned
Like secrets buried deep under some unmarked tree
Their solitude the salvation that sets them free
Frantic with flagging nerves, I wait for peace alone
Willing release from pain poking at every bone

When my tears are settled and hardened on the floor
Suppliant, I sit for Death
to rip
open
the
wide
door.